Are you a bartender? Do you hate vodka? Schitski Vodka is a brand spanking new product set to revolutionise the vodka category.
Launching today, Schitski Vodka is a craftless spirit made in Australia but legend has it that it really comes from the bowels of Eastern Europe in the now defunct Eastern European kingdom of Schitberg once governed by King Schit. Mass-produced using the purest effluent from the River Schit, the vodka is flush-distilled once, or twice if it’s stubborn.
Schitski Vodka was rated against premium imported brands and stood out exceptionally well. Our sources inform us that Jim Murray didn’t reply to a request for comment, so he won’t be rating it 99 points. Gary Regan didn’t reply either, so he can’t be quoted as saying, “this is the best spirit ever made”.
Schitski Vodka was blind tasted by an esteemed panel of three seasoned imbibers. Below are their tasting notes.
Schitski Vodka Tasting Notes
- Country of Origin: Australia
- ABV: 41%
- Colour: clear nail varnish, filtered river water through a 0.5 micro filter
- Nose: medicinal ethanol notes before blood is drawn out, like a steel mill under a flight path, toe nail polish of a high class hooker leading into hints of tropical fruit, mainly pineapple
- Palate: like a tiny squadron of MIG fighters gently carpet-bombing your tongue while a tough group of little peppercorns picks a fight with a bag of liquorice in a bar back at the air base
- Finish: short and sharp, drops off the palate like Thelma and Louise about to drop off a cliff
- RRP: $50 AUD for 700 ml bottle (www.schitskivodka.com.au)
Comments: Schitski Vodka was designed for the number one drink that is the bane of bartenders’ existence. If you want a Schit hot vodka, lime and soda, then Schitski Vodka is for you. We’re yet to try it in a cocktail, but we think it will go down well in a Dirty Martini.
In case you think we’re Schit stirring, Schitski Vodka is a real product distributed by Vanguard Luxury Brands. It retails for $50 and one dollar from every bottle sold will be donated to Bowel Cancer Australia. One in 12 people will develop bowel cancer in their lifetime and Australia has one of the highest bowel cancer rates in the world. The money will be going towards awareness and encouraging people to take regular bowel cancer screening tests.
So get behind this brand. As James France of Vanguard Luxury Brands says, “We all love the feeling inside after a good Schitski, don’t we?”
Photo by Cocktails & Bars – © Copyright: All rights reserved.
